Tag: Utah

Utah Town Burns Copies Of Footloose And Bans Dancing

Lehi, Utah- Local church officials and city goverment met at the local library and began burning vinyl records, picture disc, beta max, 8-Tracks and VHS copies of Footloose. Shaw Moore claims “The music in this movie is just too dark rebellious. I, mean… Almost Paradise could summon demons from the darkest depths of hell.” The […]

Homeless Couple Found Living In Walmart Attic

Magna, Utah – Homeless Couple Found Living In Walmart Attic With Hot Plate, Meth Lab, And 42″ LED TV… “I don’t mean to laugh, but these people really got one over on Walmart,” said Lieut. Marshall Weiss. “In the attic, we recovered 2 pounds of meth they had somehow produced on a hot plate. They […]

Horseback riders bust NASA filming Mars Rover footage in Moab, Utah

Moab, Utah- A group of horseback riders caught a film crew filming Mars Rover footage in the redrock area of the Utah desert. This area is covered in red sandstone and is the perfect place to fake such an event. People recently became skeptical of the NASA missions, after a large rodent was spotted on […]

Tupac live at The Salt Lake Tabernacle

That’s right, Tupac Shakur is back, and he’s ready to throw down in Utah’s most notorious venues, with the worlds most holy of choirs. Tickets are just $25 Kids seats are still only 5 buuuuuuuuucks!!!! The 128th ward relief society will be providing spaghetti and lemonade for the first 25 people! Blessings will be offered […]

Godzilla Attacks Mormon Temple In Japan & Has An Epic Battle With Angel Moroni!

Fukuoka, Japan – Godzilla just attacked the Japanese Mormon temple. Japan warned the Mormons that Godzilla was territorial of that area. Top church officials are now rethinking the whole dinosaur thing. “Maybe, we were wrong about the dinosaurs.”  Said, Zachariah Hyrum Smith. Smith is a spokesman at the church and was also a science major […]

Breaking News: Stolen Angel Moroni Statue Recovered

Magna, Utah – The Angel Moroni statue stolen from the Salt Lake City LDS temple has been recovered. The statue was removed from the Utah temple just before dusk last night. A heavily modified drone with laser cutting abilities was used to remove Moroni from the top of the building. The golden angel was found […]