Gary Herbert makes it illegal to deny that popcorn pops on the apricot trees
Salt Lake City, Utah- New legislation just passed making it illegal to deny that popcorn pops on apricot trees. Next spring when the apricot trees are in full bloom. You would be able to call the beautiful flowers “Blossoms” anymore. Well, at least in Utah. You will have to refered the white blossoms as “Popcorn.” […]
Utah to build a wall to keep out Californians
Salt Lake City, Utah- Gary Herbert just approved a bill that would prevent Californians from moving to Utah. He blames California for Utah’s public health crisis, AKA “Porn.” The wall be constructed at Bangerter Highway blocking all Cali Migrants from making it any further into the valley. There will be check points and anyone from […]
Giant Tiger Muskie Eats Man At Pineview Reservoir
Huntsville, Utah- An unidentified man was attacked and swallowed whole by a giant Tiger Muskie. Witnesses claim that the man was on a shiny paddle board that may have acted like a lure. “The fish just came up out of the water and hit it like a giant fishing lure.” Said, Brexit Tolman, a town […]
Bull Sharks Illegally Introduced To Pineview Reservoir
Pineview Reservoir, Utah- If you like to swim at Pineview Reservoir, Tiger Muskies biting your toes are the least of your problems. Bull sharks were illegally introduced into the freshwater lake, and they are thriving! Bull sharks are notorious for swimming out of the salty ocean and venturing out and venturing hundreds of miles up […]
Breaking News: Utah Bans Fireworks Statewide Due To Fire Danger
Salt Lake City, Utah- The State of Utah has decided to ban fireworks this year due to extreme fire danger. Several fires have been started acrossed the state. Governor Gary Herbert has pulled the plug on this year’s fireworks celebrations. All private displays are illegal and people will be cited or arrested. There will be […]
Utah lawmakers fear they are running out of things to make illegal
Salt Lake City, Utah- After the last state legislation session, Utah fears they are running out of things to make illegal. They continue to chisel away at alcohol, tobacco , marijuana, porn, sex, certain positions, gambling, music, dancing, too much shoulder in yearbook photos and anything remotely fun. Eventually, there will be nothing left. The […]
Life Discovered On The Moon, Mormons Dispatch Missionaries
Washington DC- Donald Trump announced on Friday that NASA has discovered intelligent life on the Moon. Donald Trump has not been a traditional US president. Many have wondered if UFO disclosure was on the table. Five species of aliens were discovered. The greys were the dominate species on the planet. “A video of a […]
Mormons To Build LDS Temple On Mars
Mars- The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints just announced that they will be building an LDS temple on Mars. On Monday morning, the church plans on launching a super rover named “FAITH.” The super Droid was built at BYU’s robotics department. “We named this robot ‘Faith’ because Faith will move […]
Utah Sound Guy Commits Suicide To Avoid Working A deadmau5 Concert
Moab, Utah- Stan Whipple, A Utah Sound engineer, drove his car off of a cliff Wednesday morning with his boss locked in the trunk. The Moab Police were able to pull surveillance video from a bar that Harry owned and the found a conversation and the motive. His boss informed him that deadmau5 was […]
Save The Jackalopes Of Antelope Island
The Story Antelope Island, Utah- Our story begins back in the 1800s. In the middle of the Great Salt resides Antelope Island. Wildlife is everywhere! Antelope, birds, waterfowl, bison, bighorn sheep, wading birds, small mammals, reptiles, coyotes, bobcats, jackrabbits, pronghorn, mule deer and several species of rodents. Millions of migrating birds are visiting the island. […]