Tag: Satire

Breaking News: Robbery At Bountiful, Utah Chase Bank

Bountiful, Utah- A Clearfield man entered Chase Bank on 500 South in Bountiful to cash a check for the amount of $50.01. He never expected to be robbed by the bank itself. The clerk made an angry face and said “We’re taking $8.00 to cash that check!” Eight bucks to cash a $50.00 check! We have […]

Valentine’s Day: Special Report

(February 2017 — Salt Lake City, UT) If you’re looking for the sweetest spot to be on this day for lovers, you couldn’t find a better place than Mormon country. A University of Kansas study, released last week, rated Mormon men as the most potent in the country. As part of a survey of several […]

Utah Neighborhood Fireworks Show Breaks A World Record!

Breaking News: Utah breaks a world record for largest fireworks celebration ever! The New Years Eve event could be felt in 5 states and shifted the earths axis off by 1 degree and moved the California coastline 3 feet. This celebration put all Japanese, Chinese and Dubai records to shame. Local Police are still looking […]

Tupac live at The Salt Lake Tabernacle

That’s right, Tupac Shakur is back, and he’s ready to throw down in Utah’s most notorious venues, with the worlds most holy of choirs. Tickets are just $25 Kids seats are still only 5 buuuuuuuuucks!!!! The 128th ward relief society will be providing spaghetti and lemonade for the first 25 people! Blessings will be offered […]

Godzilla Attacks Mormon Temple In Japan & Has An Epic Battle With Angel Moroni!

Fukuoka, Japan – Godzilla just attacked the Japanese Mormon temple. Japan warned the Mormons that Godzilla was territorial of that area. Top church officials are now rethinking the whole dinosaur thing. “Maybe, we were wrong about the dinosaurs.”  Said, Zachariah Hyrum Smith. Smith is a spokesman at the church and was also a science major […]

Breaking News: Stolen Angel Moroni Statue Recovered

Magna, Utah – The Angel Moroni statue stolen from the Salt Lake City LDS temple has been recovered. The statue was removed from the Utah temple just before dusk last night. A heavily modified drone with laser cutting abilities was used to remove Moroni from the top of the building. The golden angel was found […]