Gary Herbert makes it illegal to deny that popcorn pops on the apricot trees

Salt Lake City, Utah- New legislation just passed making it illegal to deny that popcorn pops on apricot trees. Next spring when the apricot trees are in full bloom. You would be able to call the beautiful flowers “Blossoms” anymore. Well, at least in Utah. You will have to refered the white blossoms as “Popcorn.” […]

Utah to build a wall to keep out Californians

Salt Lake City, Utah- Gary Herbert just approved a bill that would prevent Californians from moving to Utah. He blames California for Utah’s public health crisis, AKA “Porn.” The wall be constructed at Bangerter Highway blocking all Cali Migrants from making it any further into the valley. There will be check points and anyone from […]

Utah lawmakers fear they are running out of things to make illegal

Salt Lake City, Utah- After the last state legislation session,  Utah fears they are running out of things to make illegal.  They continue to chisel away at alcohol, tobacco ,  marijuana, porn, sex, certain  positions, gambling, music, dancing, too much shoulder in yearbook photos and anything remotely fun. Eventually, there will be nothing left. The […]

Utah issues first baby DUI

Salt Lake City, Utah- A crazed baby on fermented breast milk, led Utah Highway Patrol, Bountiful, West Bountiful, Woods Cross, North Salt Lake and Salt Lake Police Departments on a slow speed chase today. West Bountiful Police got a report of a billegerent baby urinating in the sand box at a West Bountiful Park. When […]

Utah To Ban High Speed Internet And Revert To Dialup

Photo Source: Rick Bowmer/AP Salt Lake City, Utah- Governor Gary Herbert just set forth legislation to ban all residential high speed internet in the state. Proposing only government agencies would have access to broadband, fiber, or other lightning fast services. Everyone else will have 56k dail up modems This is Herbert’s new strategy to combat […]