Due to soaring food prices Mitt Romney can no longer afford to put hotdogs in his mac and cheese
Hotdog Meat Crisis Hits Home: Mitt Romney’s Mac and Cheese Struggle Opens Eyes to Hotdog Privilege It’s no secret the Utah Senator Mitt Romney loves hotdogs. It seems like every other day he’s talking about hotdogs being his favorite meat. In a surprising turn of events, ultra-weathy Utah Senator Mitt Romney has taken to social […]
9th & 9th Whale to be replaced with a bronze statue of Salt Lake Mayor biking to work
Salt Lake City, Utah – After numerous complaints about the 9th & 9th Whale art installation in the roundabout located at 9th South and 9th East, Mayor Mendenhall held a press conference. “Why not put a statue there that’s better, something way better…. And I thought, why not me!?” Said Mayor Mendenhall. The new art […]
Salt Lake City Mayor purchased a giant battle mech suit to fight homeless people
Salt Lake City, Utah- The Mayor unveiled her most recent purchase to combat homelessness in SLC. A giant 2.5 billion dollar battle mech named Tent Fighter is the latest tool in the Mayor’s toolbox for her personal war on homelessness. “Every Salt Laker deserves to feel safe knowing their bad ass mayor in a pink […]
Did Senator Cullimore’s ancestor evict the Mormons from Nauvoo?
Nauvoo, Illinois – This rare colorized photo shows a man that resembles senator and Utah attorney Kirk A. Cullimore. Scholars claim that this man posted three day eviction notice on the temple, and ejected those of the Mormon faith from Nauvoo. They believe that the man in the photo is Kingston Cullimore, a local attorney. […]
SLC, Utah land locked whale art installation replaced with a giant Peep
Earlier this month a giant land locked whale art installation was installed at a Salt Lake City, Utah roundabout on 9th and 9th. Some residents weren’t happy. After opposition from the residents of the 9th and 9th roundobout, the giant land locked whale was replaced with something people hate less…. A giant peep. Despite Mendenhall’s […]
Utah State Legislature Bans Kegel Exercises Because They Fear It Makes Women Too Powerful
Senate Bill 69 introduced by Senator Vickers passed the House and Senate today on Capitol Hill. The Utah State Legislature agreed that kegel exercises just make women too powerful. Enforcement seemed like it was going to be an issue, but the Utah Senator did offer a solution through his pharmacy in partnership with Zions Harm-U-ceuticals. […]
Utah Porn Filters Censor Governor Spencer Cox
After former Governor Gary Herbert and Senator Todd Weiler deemed Pornography a “Public Health Crisis” measures were put in place to block porn from reaching Utahns. After legislation failed and the administrations censorship aspirations fizzled out, filters remained active and are going haywire. Current Governor Spencer Cox found himself caught in his own web this […]
Breaking News: Angel Moroni Stolen From Salt Lake City, Utah LDS Temple
Salt Lake City, Utah – Around sunset last night a large drone removed the golden Angel Moroni from the top of the Salt Lake City Mormon Temple. Witnesses claim that the drone used a green laser to cut and remove the statue from the top of the building. Some sort of suction cup was deployed […]
Kanye West Joins The Mormon Church
Salt Lake City, Utah- Rapper Kanye West has been hasn’t quite painted a clear picture to eactly what he believes. His early hip hop song ‘Jesus Walks’ had people wondering if he was a Christian Rapper. West has done his share of secular tunes since then. Kanye has an LDS neighbor that has been trying […]
Irish Setters Protest Mitt Romney At The Utah State Capitol
Salt Lake City, Utah- Thousands of Irish Setters showed up at the State Capitol to voice their opposition of Mitt Romney’s Senate seat ambititions. Utah has already projected that he’ll win buy a landslide. Romney has a lot of support from the LDS community in Utah. It’s inivetable that he will replace Orrin Hatch after […]