Bucket Ban 2024
In a baffling turn of events, Utah lawmakers have declared war on an unexpected enemy: the Dune Popcorn Bucket. Citing concerns over its provocative shape, which apparently stirs impure thoughts among the male population, legislators have moved swiftly to ban the offending container from movie theaters across the state.
Last Minute Bill On Capitol Hill
The decision came on the final day of the 2024 Utah State Legislative Session where lawmakers solemnly discussed the existential threat posed by the innocent popcorn vessel. “We cannot allow our men to be tempted by such suggestive shapes,” declared Speaker Shultz, the chief proponent of the ban. “It’s a slippery slope from popcorn buckets to moral decay.”
HB69 – The Spicy Bucket Act passed unanimously by the House and Senate and was only on Governor Spencer Cox’s desk for consideration a few minutes before he signed the last minute emergency bill.
Internet Is Flooded With Spicy Memes
Protest Begin
Meanwhile, bewildered citizens took to the streets in protest, waving their beloved Dune Popcorn Buckets defiantly. “It’s just a bucket!” cried one incredulous moviegoer. “I never knew popcorn could be so scandalous,” lamented another.
Utah Creates Black Market
Him: You got the Spice Bucket? Dealer: Spice Bucket with extra chemical butter, my man
The ban has led to an underground popcorn market, with secret popcorn bucket speakeasies popping up across the state. “We will not be silenced!” proclaimed the leader of the resistance group The Spice Boys, a renegade popcorn bucket aficionado known only as Greazy Spice.
Celebrities Support Utah
World renowned artist and guitar player Buckethead ditched the KFC bucket this week to stand in solidarity with Utah. If anyone knows how attached you can get to a bucket, it’s this guy.
Bland And Boring Buckets
In response to the ban, movie theaters have resorted to serving popcorn in plain, nondescript containers, devoid of any shape or character. “We must protect the sanctity of our cinemas,” declared the manager of a local multiplex. “Even if it means sacrificing the joy of novelty popcorn buckets.”
As the controversy rages on, one thing is clear: Utah’s war on popcorn buckets has reached new heights of absurdity. And while the Dune Popcorn Bucket may have been vanquished, the battle for popcorn bucket freedom is far from over.
Parody/Satire