Salt Lake City, Utah- The Mayor unveiled her most recent purchase to combat homelessness in SLC. A giant 2.5 billion dollar battle mech named Tent Fighter is the latest tool in the Mayor’s toolbox for her personal war on homelessness.
“Every Salt Laker deserves to feel safe knowing their bad ass mayor in a pink battle mech suit cleaning up the streets. Sometime’s restaurant owners have to roll up their sleeves and do some dishes. As the Mayor I sometimes need to take on other roles. SLPD Chief Brown Note and and the Utah Department Of Health cannot and will not take this battle on by themselves. I’m committed to help anyway I can” said Mayor Boss Babe 5000.
The Mayor wanted to have the Mech ready to go to clear the streets before the Outdoor Retailer Show, but continued microchip shortages delayed the project. The giant mech will be ready to go for the Pre- NBA Allstar Games camp sweep. The will be happening on February 19th. The Mayor and her developer husband plan on kicking off Salt Lake’s first mega-sweep on Valentine’s Day a few days before the event.
The mayor plans on getting more mechs before next year’s snow hits the ground. Chief Brown is next in line and will receive a mech as soon as the city budget permits the purchase.
The abandoned Salt Lake Bee’s Stadium is going to be converted in to a fortress to store the mechs and all new militarized police gear and vehicles.
The operational cost of the mechs will be very cheap thanks to the latest green technology. Most of the Salt Lake parks have been retrofitted with wifi park benches that will serve as rapid charging stations for the giant robots. The Mayor purchased the benches with relief dollars in 2020 – 2021.
Battle mechs will be used as additional muscle to load dump trucks during camp cleanups without the pilot getting their hands dirty. The armored vehicles will safely shield the pilots from counter attacks. The mayor has never been to an abatement, but she feels in the mech suit.
“As long as homeless people do not touch, breathe on me, or talk to me I’m will to attend abatements and oversee the process.” said Boss Babe Mayor.
The Coalition To Fix Everything That The Mayor F#cks Up blasted Boss Babe for creating an Orwellian type police state by militerizing SLCPD.
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