Utah State Legislature Bans Dune Popcorn Bucket, Because “It Gives Young Men Impure Thoughts.”
Utah State Legislature Bans Dune Popcorn Bucket, Because “It Gives Young Men Impure Thoughts.”
Utah State Legislature Raises Food Service Worker Wages After Christmas Card Mishap
First Raise Since 1991 In a stunning turn of events at the Utah State Legislature session, the wages for food server workers have been catapulted from $2.13 per hour to $7.25 per hour. The reason? A rather curious mishap involving the forgetfulness of an intern from the Utah Restaurant Association led to the Utah State […]
Hill Airforce Base Airman Lands F-35 in Grocery Store Parking Lot for Late-Night Pocky Fix
Roy, Utah- A senior airman stationed at Hill Air Force Base made headlines after allegedly commandeering an F-35 fighter jet to satisfy a late-night craving for Strawberry Pocky sticks, the Base store apparently only had Chocolate. Everyone in Utah knows what store is the Pocky Paradise. Witnesses reported seeing the aircraft touch down in the […]
Utah’s Bear Lake Monster: From Myth to Lunchroom Delicacy
In a shocking turn of events, Utah’s infamous Bear Lake Monster has transitioned from folklore to lunchroom fare faster than you can say “seafood surprise.” Long considered a tall tale spun around campfires, recent events have turned the tables on skeptics and left residents reeling in disbelief. The saga began with an old vintage photograph […]
Megalodon Madness: Giant Shark Found in High School Parking Lot, Headed for Luxury Aquarium
In a jaw-dropping turn of events that has left residents of Salt Lake City, Utah, questioning their own sanity, the parking lot of West High School has become the unexpected temporary home of a living fossil: a megalodon. Standing taller than a double-decker bus and longer than your average basketball court, the prehistoric predator was […]
BYU relaxes grooming standards to recruit Bigfoot to the football team
Brigham Young University’s Unconventional Approach: Relaxing Grooming Standards to Recruit Bigfoot to the Football Team Introduction In a surprising and unconventional move, Brigham Young University (BYU), a private research university owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church), has garnered attention by reportedly considering relaxing its grooming standards to recruit Bigfoot […]
Due to soaring food prices Mitt Romney can no longer afford to put hotdogs in his mac and cheese
Hotdog Meat Crisis Hits Home: Mitt Romney’s Mac and Cheese Struggle Opens Eyes to Hotdog Privilege It’s no secret the Utah Senator Mitt Romney loves hotdogs. It seems like every other day he’s talking about hotdogs being his favorite meat. In a surprising turn of events, ultra-weathy Utah Senator Mitt Romney has taken to social […]
9th & 9th Whale to be replaced with a bronze statue of Salt Lake Mayor biking to work
Salt Lake City, Utah – After numerous complaints about the 9th & 9th Whale art installation in the roundabout located at 9th South and 9th East, Mayor Mendenhall held a press conference. “Why not put a statue there that’s better, something way better…. And I thought, why not me!?” Said Mayor Mendenhall. The new art […]
Salt Lake City Mayor purchased a giant battle mech suit to fight homeless people
Salt Lake City, Utah- The Mayor unveiled her most recent purchase to combat homelessness in SLC. A giant 2.5 billion dollar battle mech named Tent Fighter is the latest tool in the Mayor’s toolbox for her personal war on homelessness. “Every Salt Laker deserves to feel safe knowing their bad ass mayor in a pink […]
Utah State Legislature Bans Kegel Exercises Because They Fear It Makes Women Too Powerful
Senate Bill 69 introduced by Senator Vickers passed the House and Senate today on Capitol Hill. The Utah State Legislature agreed that kegel exercises just make women too powerful. Enforcement seemed like it was going to be an issue, but the Utah Senator did offer a solution through his pharmacy in partnership with Zions Harm-U-ceuticals. […]