Utah State Legislature Bans Dune Popcorn Bucket, Because “It Gives Young Men Impure Thoughts.”
Utah State Legislature Bans Dune Popcorn Bucket, Because “It Gives Young Men Impure Thoughts.”
Utah State Legislature Raises Food Service Worker Wages After Christmas Card Mishap
First Raise Since 1991 In a stunning turn of events at the Utah State Legislature session, the wages for food server workers have been catapulted from $2.13 per hour to $7.25 per hour. The reason? A rather curious mishap involving the forgetfulness of an intern from the Utah Restaurant Association led to the Utah State […]
Hill Airforce Base Airman Lands F-35 in Grocery Store Parking Lot for Late-Night Pocky Fix
Roy, Utah- A senior airman stationed at Hill Air Force Base made headlines after allegedly commandeering an F-35 fighter jet to satisfy a late-night craving for Strawberry Pocky sticks, the Base store apparently only had Chocolate. Everyone in Utah knows what store is the Pocky Paradise. Witnesses reported seeing the aircraft touch down in the […]
Utah’s Bear Lake Monster: From Myth to Lunchroom Delicacy
In a shocking turn of events, Utah’s infamous Bear Lake Monster has transitioned from folklore to lunchroom fare faster than you can say “seafood surprise.” Long considered a tall tale spun around campfires, recent events have turned the tables on skeptics and left residents reeling in disbelief. The saga began with an old vintage photograph […]
Megalodon Madness: Giant Shark Found in High School Parking Lot, Headed for Luxury Aquarium
In a jaw-dropping turn of events that has left residents of Salt Lake City, Utah, questioning their own sanity, the parking lot of West High School has become the unexpected temporary home of a living fossil: a megalodon. Standing taller than a double-decker bus and longer than your average basketball court, the prehistoric predator was […]
9th & 9th Whale to be replaced with a bronze statue of Salt Lake Mayor biking to work
Salt Lake City, Utah – After numerous complaints about the 9th & 9th Whale art installation in the roundabout located at 9th South and 9th East, Mayor Mendenhall held a press conference. “Why not put a statue there that’s better, something way better…. And I thought, why not me!?” Said Mayor Mendenhall. The new art […]
Utah State Legislature Bans Kegel Exercises Because They Fear It Makes Women Too Powerful
Senate Bill 69 introduced by Senator Vickers passed the House and Senate today on Capitol Hill. The Utah State Legislature agreed that kegel exercises just make women too powerful. Enforcement seemed like it was going to be an issue, but the Utah Senator did offer a solution through his pharmacy in partnership with Zions Harm-U-ceuticals. […]
Utah Porn Filters Censor Governor Spencer Cox
After former Governor Gary Herbert and Senator Todd Weiler deemed Pornography a “Public Health Crisis” measures were put in place to block porn from reaching Utahns. After legislation failed and the administrations censorship aspirations fizzled out, filters remained active and are going haywire. Current Governor Spencer Cox found himself caught in his own web this […]
Utah issues first baby DUI
Salt Lake City, Utah- A crazed baby on fermented breast milk, led Utah Highway Patrol, Bountiful, West Bountiful, Woods Cross, North Salt Lake and Salt Lake Police Departments on a slow speed chase today. West Bountiful Police got a report of a billegerent baby urinating in the sand box at a West Bountiful Park. When […]
Valentine’s Day: Special Report
(February 2017 — Salt Lake City, UT) If you’re looking for the sweetest spot to be on this day for lovers, you couldn’t find a better place than Mormon country. A University of Kansas study, released last week, rated Mormon men as the most potent in the country. As part of a survey of several […]