Utah Names New DUI Law After Former Utah Highway Patrol Officer ‘Lisa Steed.’

Dirty Steeds, Done Dirt Cheap!

In this photo from the Utah Highway Patrol’s 75th anniversary yearbook, Cpl. Lisa Steed stands with a shotgun.
Courtesy Utah Highway Patrol

Salt Lake City, Utah- Lisa Steed is a former Davis Country Utah Highway Patrol. She was the state’s top revenue making machine. She broke state records for DUI arrest. She was even awarded ‘Trooper Of The Year” for it.  But Lisa had a dirty little secret. 99% of her DUI arrest were bogus.

Credit: Deseret News

Steed’s  dark secret finally came to light. Video evidence was submitted and she was fired for wrongfully arresting Utah residents for a DUI, most of them weren’t even drinking. After unnecessarily destroying lives, tearing apart families and costing people their jobs. Steed was finished, and lawsuits were filed.

Steeds absence has been painful for the state. She was bringing in hundreds of thousands of dollars annually. Now they are paying out the victims in lawsuits and damages. The state of Utah was trying to figure out how to reinstate Lisa’s revenue stream, with her being absent. Steed tried to  return to the Utah Highway Patrol, but a federal judge shut her hopes and dreams of returning down. Herbert’s office cooked up the perfect plan. The ultimate way to give a perfectly sober person a DUI. “Lisa’s Law” or “THE LISA STEED ACT” was modeled after her. The law drops the blood alcohol level from .08 to .05. Bam! Now all Utah cops have the powers that Lisa had. Think of her as an evil Sith Lord that brought corruption and darkness into police officers hearts.

Credit: Fox 13 News

The state is back in business! Arrest are being made left and right. Utahns are being busted for using mouthwash, sipping kombucha and even rubbing essential oils on their skin. School children are even being locked up for drinking semi-fermented juice boxes. The numbers are going up and the state is excited.

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Breaking News!: Angel Moroni Stolen From The Salt Lake City, Utah Mormon Temple

Salt Lake City, Utah – Around sunset last night a large drone removed the golden Angel Moroni from the top of the Salt Lake City Mormon Temple. Witnesses claim that the drone used a green laser to cut and remove the statue from the top of the building. Some sort of suction cup was deployed and used to carry the heavy gold plated Moroni off into the sunset. Apparently after the heist, the drone made a rapid descent and touched down in Magna, Utah.

The LDS Church commented “We have dealt with this sort of thing in the past. Many people have tried to steal the angel. But have never been successful. We will find these evildoers and bring them to justice.”

We will bring you more as the story develops.

Salt Lake City Hoping To Boost Tourism By Reminding Visitors They’re Free To Leave At Any Time

SALT LAKE CITY—In a move designed to help the metropolitan area attract more tourists, Salt Lake City officials unveiled a new advertising campaign Thursday reminding potential visitors that they can leave at any time. “With our new ‘Free to Leave’ campaign, we’re letting the world know that when you visit Salt Lake City, you can get out whenever you want, day or night, whether you’ve only been here for a couple of hours or a couple of days,” Mayor Ralph Becker said, emphasizing that the city’s main attractions are all conveniently located near train stations, airports, and a number of major highways. “The award-winning Hogle Zoo, Red Butte Garden and Arboretum, the Natural History Museum of Utah—these are all places you can up and leave any moment you please. And as you stroll through world-famous Temple Square, you can rest assured in knowing that, if you just hop on I-80, you can be in Nevada in about 90 minutes.” The city’s tourism officials added that if visitors don’t feel like it, they don’t even have to come at all.

Via: The Onion

The Onion : Free To Leave