The 90 Kangaroos released in Wyoming are already causing problems in Utah

Coalville, Utah- This morning county10.com  broke the story that 90 kangaroos were released in Dubois, Wyoming.

 

Not long after the kangaroos found their way to Utah. They were spotted around Echo Reservoir. Kangaroos are fond of fish, birds and have plenty of greens to eat. Hyrum Tolman of the Utah DWR thinks they will hang around the area for along time and start breeding.

When the kangaroos made their way to Coalville, that’s when the trouble started. Kangaroos happen to be very fond of beer. Problem is, they are billegerent drunks. Reports are pouring in of drunken Kangaroos breaking into houses, stealing food, beer, and whatever else they can get their paws on.

Jed Cummings, a Coalville resident said “I went outside today to go to work and noticed broken glass on the ground by my truck. The kangaroos stole a few CDS from my collection. They were pretty selective about what they took. Men at Work, Midnight Oil, AC-DC, Keith Urban, Olivia Newton John and Crowded House CDs. They only took CDs made by Australian bands. That’s when I knew it was the damn kangaroos!”

Emma Smith, of Echo said “They broke into my home and stole twinkies, beer and a BMX Bandits VHS tape. I guess they like shitty Nicole Kidman movies.”

 

Kangaroos have been known to box and fight. Unfortunately, adrunk kangaroo is 10 times worse. Here’s two kangaroos fighting in the streets of Coalville.

Kangaroos are also being struck by cars. Here’s a dashcam video of a kangaroo being struck by a car off of I-80 East.

Wyoming obiously made a big mistake releasing these kangaroos into to the wild. Day one and these kangaroos are causing nothing but trouble.

Do not approach the kangaroos, they are dangerous and love to fight.

We will bring you more on this story as it develops.

 

 

Utah Names New DUI Law After Former Utah Highway Patrol Officer ‘Lisa Steed.’

Dirty Steeds, Done Dirt Cheap!

In this photo from the Utah Highway Patrol’s 75th anniversary yearbook, Cpl. Lisa Steed stands with a shotgun.
Courtesy Utah Highway Patrol

Salt Lake City, Utah- Lisa Steed is a former Davis Country Utah Highway Patrol. She was the state’s top revenue making machine. She broke state records for DUI arrest. She was even awarded ‘Trooper Of The Year” for it.  But Lisa had a dirty little secret. 99% of her DUI arrest were bogus.

Credit: Deseret News

Steed’s  dark secret finally came to light. Video evidence was submitted and she was fired for wrongfully arresting Utah residents for a DUI, most of them weren’t even drinking. After unnecessarily destroying lives, tearing apart families and costing people their jobs. Steed was finished, and lawsuits were filed.

Steeds absence has been painful for the state. She was bringing in hundreds of thousands of dollars annually. Now they are paying out the victims in lawsuits and damages. The state of Utah was trying to figure out how to reinstate Lisa’s revenue stream, with her being absent. Steed tried to  return to the Utah Highway Patrol, but a federal judge shut her hopes and dreams of returning down. Herbert’s office cooked up the perfect plan. The ultimate way to give a perfectly sober person a DUI. “Lisa’s Law” or “THE LISA STEED ACT” was modeled after her. The law drops the blood alcohol level from .08 to .05. Bam! Now all Utah cops have the powers that Lisa had. Think of her as an evil Sith Lord that brought corruption and darkness into police officers hearts.

Credit: Fox 13 News

The state is back in business! Arrest are being made left and right. Utahns are being busted for using mouthwash, sipping kombucha and even rubbing essential oils on their skin. School children are even being locked up for drinking semi-fermented juice boxes. The numbers are going up and the state is excited.

Breaking News: Scientists bring back the UtahRaptor

Vernal, Utah- A group of Utah scientists have successfully cracked the genome of the UtahRaptor.

The UtahRaptor was originally discovered in a quicksand death trap in Utah.

These dinosaurs were 10 times the size of the all other raptors. Weighing in at one ton and standing twice the height of a human. Total length was approximately 25 feet long.

Baby raptors were successful grown in test tubes. Two raptors have already reached maturity, they will be released into a sanctuary in Dinosaurland. Rumor has it, Thanksgiving Point is interested in bidding on the dinosaurs and making an exhibit. Simular to something straight out of the movie Jurassic Park.

This story was leaked by an employee of DinoCorp. This person would like to remain anonymous. They will be sending us more photos, video and data soon.

Stay Tuned! We will keep you updated as this story unfolds.