Utah Sound Guy Commits Suicide To Avoid Working A deadmau5 Concert

Moab, Utah- Stan Whipple, A Utah Sound engineer, drove his car off of a cliff Wednesday morning with his boss locked in the trunk.

 

The Moab Police were able to pull surveillance video from a bar that Harry owned and the found a conversation and the motive.

His boss informed him that deadmau5 was performing at a Red Rock music festival and Stan would be running sound for deadmau5 and his opening act Skrillex. Stan replied “You mean, ‘Shitfest 2017?’ 😜” Stan’s Boss, Harry D. Ickbeader. Told Stan that he was nuts and they are great artist. “Artist!? AYFKM!?” They press play on a laptop and jump around like idiots! Deadmau5 looks like Mickey Mouse’s ugly crackhead gothic brother and Skrillex looks like the love child of Trent Reznor and the charater Teddy Duchamp from the movie ‘Stand By Me!’ Their music sounds like R2D2 having sex with a malfunctioning speak and spell, while a car alarm is going off in the background, somewhere near a cat fight. My bowel movements make better music” Said, Stan.

Stan left a note that read. “I have lost all faith in the music industry. I will not run sound at ‘Sh*tfest 2017. Harry D. Ickbeader must be stopped! Good Bye, tone deaf world.

We will bring you more on this story as it develops.

 

Horseback riders bust NASA filming Mars Rover footage in Moab, Utah

Moab, Utah- A group of horseback riders caught a film crew filming Mars Rover footage in the redrock area of the Utah desert. This area is covered in red sandstone and is the perfect place to fake such an event.

mars_rodent

People recently became skeptical of the NASA missions, after a large rodent was spotted on rover footage.

 

The conspiracy theory forums are going wild. Calling the rover missions “Fake” and most are saying “This is the moon landing all over again!”

The Brine Shrimp acquired several photos and videos from the horseback riders.

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NASA caught setting up shop.

 

Mars Rover Fake!!!

This photo was taken by one the horseback riders.

 

We will bring you more on this story as it develops.