Polar Bears Return To Strawberry Reservoir In Utah!

Polar Bear in Strawberry Lake

Strawberry, Utah- After an early thaw this year, winter showed up fashionably late. As lake ice was pretty much gone by January. The Utah DWR was less than optimistic about the polar bears ever returning to the reservoir.

Welcome Home, Lil’ Fella!

“We were in trouble! In 2006 komoto dragons were illegally introduced in the area. The polar bears were keeping the population down. Komoto dragons, rattlesnakes, lizards and the Utah brown beaver are the primary diet of polar bears. They are also fond of the raspberry shakes that are popular with the locals. These bears are also know to feed on scorpions and tarantula. These giant lizards were eating all the dolphins and tuna in the lake. We are happy to see the bears back up here “Said, Hyrum Smith of the Utah DWR.

Ice, Ice, Baby!

With winter finally showing up, all of the ice is back and the bears have returned! The anglers have also returned to do some ice fishing. Most of them are trying their luck to catch a tagged dolphin. Fish and Game wants to remind everyone that polar bears are dangerous. If you encounter one on the ice to put your arms in the air and charge the bear. Make a lot of noise and maintain good eye contact. If that does not work… Scream really loud to startle the bears and then run away fast. If it gets a hold of you, give it purple nurples or a wet willy. Bears hate that sh*t. You can also try Salsa or Greek Wedding Dancing the Polar Bears love to dance.

Polar Bear Salsa Dancing

We will bring you more on this story as it develops.

Giant Tiger Muskie Eats Man At Pineview Reservoir

Huntsville, Utah- An unidentified man was attacked and swallowed whole by a giant Tiger Muskie. Witnesses claim that the man was on a shiny paddle board that may have acted like a lure.

“The fish just came up out of the water and hit it like a giant fishing lure.” Said, Brexit Tolman, a town local.

Pineview has boasted to having record breaking muskies. This fish definitely trumps them all! Pineview is offering a $20,000 reward to any angler that can reel in this monster fish.

“The lake will be closed to water sports other than fishing. We are really excited about the fishing contest” Said, Richard Dick Richards of the DWR.

We will bring you more on this story as it develops.

The 90 Kangaroos released in Wyoming are already causing problems in Utah

Coalville, Utah- This morning county10.com  broke the story that 90 kangaroos were released in Dubois, Wyoming.

 

Not long after the kangaroos found their way to Utah. They were spotted around Echo Reservoir. Kangaroos are fond of fish, birds and have plenty of greens to eat. Hyrum Tolman of the Utah DWR thinks they will hang around the area for along time and start breeding.

When the kangaroos made their way to Coalville, that’s when the trouble started. Kangaroos happen to be very fond of beer. Problem is, they are billegerent drunks. Reports are pouring in of drunken Kangaroos breaking into houses, stealing food, beer, and whatever else they can get their paws on.

Jed Cummings, a Coalville resident said “I went outside today to go to work and noticed broken glass on the ground by my truck. The kangaroos stole a few CDS from my collection. They were pretty selective about what they took. Men at Work, Midnight Oil, AC-DC, Keith Urban, Olivia Newton John and Crowded House CDs. They only took CDs made by Australian bands. That’s when I knew it was the damn kangaroos!”

Emma Smith, of Echo said “They broke into my home and stole twinkies, beer and a BMX Bandits VHS tape. I guess they like shitty Nicole Kidman movies.”

 

Kangaroos have been known to box and fight. Unfortunately, adrunk kangaroo is 10 times worse. Here’s two kangaroos fighting in the streets of Coalville.

Kangaroos are also being struck by cars. Here’s a dashcam video of a kangaroo being struck by a car off of I-80 East.

Wyoming obiously made a big mistake releasing these kangaroos into to the wild. Day one and these kangaroos are causing nothing but trouble.

Do not approach the kangaroos, they are dangerous and love to fight.

We will bring you more on this story as it develops.