Breaking News: The Tuna Gate Scandal

Salt Lake City, Utah – Donald Trump just recently visited Utah to sign a bill that would greatly reduce the size of Bears Ears and Escalante National Monuments. Trump’s long time friend Senator Orrin Hatch originally asked Trump if he would come to Utah and undo the bill that former President Obama signed, that expanded the size of the national monument. A quick flight on Airforce One and the stroke of a pen and Trump wiped out Obama’s Bill.  He also met with LDS church leaders to discuss Welfare Square.

Trump- Meet The Mormons

There was more to Trumps visit than people know.
The Brine Shrimp received a video of Hatch and Trump discussing this. We also recieved emails communications between the two men. Something seemed fishy.

What the public doesn’t know is that a secret deal went down. Tump originally declined Hatch’s request to come to Utah, Orrin had to bribe him to get him here. What could possibly offer him? He has all the money in the world. Everything is within his reach. That’s where his Mr. Trumps hidden addiction was exploited by Hatch. Donald Trump loves Mormon tuna. He loves it, bigly! And Orrin knows it. You probably noticed Trumps strange behavior when he visited Welfare Square. He started acting weird around the tuna.

Donald Trump chomping down on Mormon Tuna

Hatch promised Donald that he would use his LDS connections to get Mr. Trump approved for church welfare. Once approved he could gain access to The Bishop’s Storehouse, where he could get endless Mormon Tuna.

Trump greatly exceeded the income limit for these services, but Hatch made it happen. He also pulled some strings to get Donald extra tuna on his food order. Trump plans on using tax payer dollars to make secret trips to Utah on Airforce One to pickup his weekly food order.

Hatch returned the favor to The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints by signing over some of the land to the church. Apparently, they believe  a Stargate or a wormhole in the area that will take you to Planet Kolob.

We will bring you more on this story as it unfolds.

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Life Discovered On The Moon, Mormons Dispatch Missionaries

Washington DC- Donald Trump announced on Friday that NASA has discovered intelligent life on the Moon.

 

Donald Trump has not been a traditional US president. Many have wondered if UFO disclosure was on the table.

Five species of aliens were discovered. The greys were the dominate species on the planet.

“A video of a grey alien interview will be released later on this week. I have personally talked to the aliens at Area 51. It’s a beautiful building. Other countries have these kind of facilities. But ours is the best.” Said President Trump.

The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints held a conference today on the topic. ”

“We will immediately be dispatching missionaries to the moon. We have already space craft that are ready to go. Elder Ezra Znog, a LDS alien convert will be overseeing  communications and translate the book of Mormon into the grey language. He will also be teaching other elders grey and how to communicate using mental telepathy.” Said, Church President Thomas S. Monson.

Future plans for a Mormon Moon Temple are already in the works. If the Church cannot successfully launch a temple into space, they will construct giant kelms  to melt down meteor rocks to construct the space temple.

We will bring you more on this story as it develops.

 

 

Police Calm Millennial Protesters By Handing Out Participation Trophies — The Brine Shrimp

U.S.—As anti-Trump rallies nationwide turned hostile overnight with widespread reports of violence, looting, vandalism, and death threats against the president-elect and his supporters, police in numerous major cities were able to instill calm and regain control by handing out participation trophies to all millennial protesters who were enraged about losing the election, sources confirmed. The…

via Police Calm Millennial Protesters By Handing Out Participation Trophies — The Babylon Bee