Gary Herbert makes it illegal to deny that popcorn pops on the apricot trees

Salt Lake City, Utah- New legislation just passed making it illegal to deny that popcorn pops on apricot trees. Next spring when the apricot trees are in full bloom. You would be able to call the beautiful flowers “Blossoms” anymore. Well, at least in Utah. You will have to refered the white blossoms as “Popcorn.” Denying it’s popcorn could land you 30 days in jail and result in you paying a huge fine. It will be considered a Class A Misdemeanor to deviate from the teachings of the LDS primary song “Popcorn Popping On The Apricot Tree.”

A bit of history on the origin of this song. “Popcorn Popping On The Apricot Tree” is an old LDS primary song written by Georgia W. Bello in 1924 and was added to the Mormon Children’s Songbook.

Credit: LDS Smile

Mr. Herbert takes these words seriously. So serious that he made denying it against the law.

Lyrics
1. I looked out the window, and what did I see?
Popcorn popping on the apricot tree!
Spring had brought me such a nice surprise,
Blossoms popping right before my eyes.
I could take an armful and make a treat,
A popcorn ball that would smell so sweet.
It wasn’t really so, but it seemed to be
Popcorn popping on the apricot tree.
Words: Georgia W. Bello, b. 1924. © 1957 IRI
Music: Georgia W. Bello, b. 1924; arr. by Betty Lou Cooney, b. 1924. © 1957, 1989 IRI

“Popcorn does pop on the apricot trees, I’ve seen it with my own eyes and it’s ridiculous to say otherwise! This is the most important thing I’ve signed into law. This will be my legacy!” Said, Governor Herbert.

The law goes into effect January of 2018.

Tupac live at The Salt Lake Tabernacle

That’s right, Tupac Shakur is back, and he’s ready to throw down in Utah’s most notorious venues, with the worlds most holy of choirs.

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The 128th ward relief society will be providing spaghetti and lemonade for the first 25 people!

Blessings will be offered by the local missionaries!

You won’t want to miss this one! We are about to resurrect some sick beats.

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Breaking News: Stolen Angel Moroni Statue Recovered

Magna, Utah – The Angel Moroni statue stolen from the Salt Lake City LDS temple has been recovered.

The statue was removed from the Utah temple just before dusk last night. A heavily modified drone with laser cutting abilities was used to remove Moroni from the top of the building.

The golden angel was found in the garage of Magna resident Russell Jackson.

Jackson, 45, a local meth addict, has an extensive criminal record. Jackson’s criminal history includes “Theft, public lewdness, domestic violence and assault.” He also has a history of fighting with police officers.

He was arrested today at his Magna home. Jackson has been charged with grand theft, destruction of private property and criminal mischief. He also admitted to stealing items from a local Walmart located in West Valley City, Utah to commit the crime. Items included a drone, a plunger, wire, a laser pointer and miscellaneous tools. He now faces additional charges for shoplifting, modifying a cat toy laser pointing device and using a drone that has not been registered with the FAA.

The Brine Shrimp had a chance to do a brief interview with Jackson.

When we asked “What motivated you to take the statue?”Jackson replied “I needed money for meth, PBR, a mullet haircut and a good ol’ fashion Magna swing party!”

“The statue has some extensive damage but can be repaired.” Said, LDS Church Spokesman – Nephi Hyrum Smith

Jackson removed a good size chunk of the statue and whittled himself some golden teeth. Jackson planned on melting the statue down and making bikes for his small home-based business. Jackson’s business “Tricked Out Tweak Bikes'” Is quite popular with the local Magna meth community.

“I hope the Mormons will forgive me. Us, Tweakers are a lot like Mormons. We both like to ride bikes and go on missions.” Said, Jackson

He was booked into the Salt Lake County Jail and bail was set at 100,000,000 dollars.

Magna Juggalos have setup a go fund me page and plans on having a fundraiser with an ICP cover band to raise the bail money.

You can read the original story here

Salt Lake City Hoping To Boost Tourism By Reminding Visitors They’re Free To Leave At Any Time

SALT LAKE CITY—In a move designed to help the metropolitan area attract more tourists, Salt Lake City officials unveiled a new advertising campaign Thursday reminding potential visitors that they can leave at any time. “With our new ‘Free to Leave’ campaign, we’re letting the world know that when you visit Salt Lake City, you can get out whenever you want, day or night, whether you’ve only been here for a couple of hours or a couple of days,” Mayor Ralph Becker said, emphasizing that the city’s main attractions are all conveniently located near train stations, airports, and a number of major highways. “The award-winning Hogle Zoo, Red Butte Garden and Arboretum, the Natural History Museum of Utah—these are all places you can up and leave any moment you please. And as you stroll through world-famous Temple Square, you can rest assured in knowing that, if you just hop on I-80, you can be in Nevada in about 90 minutes.” The city’s tourism officials added that if visitors don’t feel like it, they don’t even have to come at all.

Via: The Onion

The Onion : Free To Leave

Snoop Dogg Joins The Mormon Church

DIAMOND BAR, California (AP) — In what some may consider an unexpected move, rap artist “Snoop Dogg” has reportedly converted to Mormonism after nearly a year of study with the fast-growing, Utah-based faith.

Snoop_Mormon1

{PHOTO CAPTION: Snoop Dogg says he “can’t get enough of the Book of Mormon.”}

In a statement, a spokeswoman for Snoop Dogg — whose real name is Calvin Broadus — said he considers himself extremely fortunate to have discovered such a deep sense of spiritual fulfillment at this stage in his life.

“Mr. Broadus is also very pleased to find that his family is as enthusiastic about attending church services as he is,” the spokeswoman said.

However, Snoop Dogg has not been enthusiastic about publicly sharing his experience and declined to be interviewed by CNN for this article.

In fact, he reportedly informed producers of his E! reality show “Snoop Dogg’s Father Hood” that this particular aspect of his family’s life was off-limits to the cameras. Still, he left open the possibility of addressing the subject in future episodes.

According to the Associated Press, Snoop Dogg was first introduced to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, as the Mormon Church is officially known, after attending a Gladys Knight concert in an LDS meeting house in Los Angeles.

Knight, who very publicly discusses her conversion to Mormonism several years ago, invited Snoop Dogg to what is known to the Mormon faithful as “Family Home Evening,” a church program that encourages families to set aside Monday evenings for gospel-centered lessons and family togetherness.

Though Snoop Dogg has been hesitant to publicly discuss his recent spiritual journey, he commented on the experience of attending his first “Family Home Evening” in a recent interview with People Magazine.

“I was hooked from the start,” Snoop Dogg said. “We talked about the purpose of life, played Mousetrap, and ate brownies. The kids thought it was off the hook, for real.”

In what Snoop Dogg now thinks was anything but a coincidence, Mormon missionaries had knocked on his door just one week before the Knight concert. He said he had initially turned them away because of what he knew about the strict Mormon health code, which prohibits members from smoking, drinking alcohol, and using drugs.

“Y’all know me,” he said grinning broadly. “There were just certain things the old me — the “natural man” — needed to do. And these young guys are telling me that God’s not down with disrespecting ourselves. But it’s cool now.”

Snoop Dogg said his conversion marks the end of his old life, one that included frequent run-ins with the law. Snoop Dogg was convicted in 1990 of cocaine possession and charged with gun possession after a 1993 traffic stop. In 1997, he pleaded guilty in exchange for a lighter sentence.

In 1996, Snoop Dogg was acquitted of murder after a purported gangbanger was killed by gunfire from the vehicle in which Snoop Dogg was traveling.

Snoop Dogg dismisses critics who claim his conversion is intended to placate a Salt Lake County judge, before whom he is appealing an alleged probation violation.

“Listen, the haters will say what they will,” Snoop Dogg said. “I can only do what I feel is right.”
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