Kanye West Joins The Mormon Church

Salt Lake City, Utah- Rapper Kanye West has been hasn’t quite painted a clear picture to eactly what he believes. His early hip hop song ‘Jesus Walks’ had people wondering if he was a Christian Rapper. West has done his share of secular tunes since then.

Kanye has an LDS neighbor that has been trying to get him and wife, Kim Kardashian to attend their local ward. Kim and Kanye were leaning towards Scientolgy like most Hollywood elites.

One night Kim and Kanye had a party to attend and they left their children in care of their neighbors daughter ‘Briezee Tolman.’ When Kayne got home the babysitter was playing a song for the children. It was the Mormon primary classic ‘Jesus wants me for a sunbeam.’ What is that!? That’s tight, yo! I’m like the new Jesus, said Kanye! He borrowed the CD to sample for a new track. West also fell in love with ‘Popcorn popping on the apricot tree.’ West was feeling the Primary Jams so much that he agreed to have the missionaries come over.

Not long after Kayne was ready to join the church and was baptised on March 20th, 2018.

West has never been happier

Kanye attended the 2018 LDS General Conference. Someone interrupted the event, surprisingly it wasn’t Kanye.

Kanye one day plans to be the LDS Church leader. He feels he would make a great church president. He told us that he was Jesus in a past life and he is just what the church needs.

There has been non word if Kim Kardashian will be a Mormon convert or not.

We will bring you more as this story developes.

Giant Tiger Muskie Eats Man At Pineview Reservoir

Huntsville, Utah- An unidentified man was attacked and swallowed whole by a giant Tiger Muskie. Witnesses claim that the man was on a shiny paddle board that may have acted like a lure.

“The fish just came up out of the water and hit it like a giant fishing lure.” Said, Brexit Tolman, a town local.

Pineview has boasted to having record breaking muskies. This fish definitely trumps them all! Pineview is offering a $20,000 reward to any angler that can reel in this monster fish.

“The lake will be closed to water sports other than fishing. We are really excited about the fishing contest” Said, Richard Dick Richards of the DWR.

We will bring you more on this story as it develops.

Breaking News: Utah Bans Fireworks Statewide Due To Fire Danger

Salt Lake City, Utah- The State of Utah has decided to ban fireworks this year due to extreme fire danger. Several fires have been started acrossed the state. Governor Gary Herbert has pulled the plug on this year’s fireworks celebrations. All private displays are illegal and people will be cited or arrested. There will be no exceptions. Snakes, popits, tanks and sparklers will be considered a felony, just as much as ariels, firecrackers, cherry bombs, m-80s, bottle rockets and Roman candles. The 4th of July is officially cancelled.

“If you want to have fun, you will have to go to another state to do it. Just like everything else” Said, Herbert


Now hit the share button and punk your friends.





22 New Potential Sites For Utah Homeless Shelters

Salt Lake City,Utah- The people of SLC can’t seem to agree on a location to house the new homeless shelter. Surrounding cities don’t  want be a part of it. Town halls all over Utah have erupted in protest, bickering and fighting. Nobody seems to want to have a homeless shelter in their town. Local officials are fed up with trying to please everyone and are finally doing something about it.

“We are selecting the sites and we don’t want to hear anymore bickering or complaining about it.” Said, Tim Tolman of the Salt Lake City Council.”

The state has reached a crossroads and since nobody wants to lift the burden or take care of Utah’s homeless. The state has reached the point where they will select multiple  sites and just make it happen. They don’t really care who raises their voice in opposition, they are beyond that and just want to move forward.

22 new cities have been selected and it’s all possible through private funding, donations  and your tax dollars at work.

Here’s a list of potential sites.

1. Granite, Utah

Nick Bianco/flickr

With plenty of vacant land near snowbird, this is the perfect place to accommodate a shanty town. There is plenty of room for tents.

2. Summit Park, Utah

Chris Nichols/flickr

An anonymous wealthy local wants to donate a large chunk of property for Utah’s homeless.

3. South Snyderville Basin, Utah


Has plenty of open space and could potentially house hundreds of homeless. There could also be a soup kitchen in the works.

4. Olympus Cove, Utah


Has plenty of potential properties and resources for a new center.

5. Alta, Utah

Rob Wynne/flickr

5 acres of land owned by the State of Utah might soon house Utah’s homeless.

6. Woodland Hills, Utah

Don LaVange/flickr


This city is on the map to accommodate Utah County’s homeless.

7. Highland, Utah

By Eric Ward from Provo, UT, USA, via Wikimedia Commons

This city has many prime spots that the state is looking at.


8. Fruit Heights, Utah

“Fruit Heights Utah City Hall” by Ntsimp

An old fruit Orchard and farm house may soon benefit Davis County’s homeless.

9. Little Cottonwood Creek Valley, Utah

Drew Card/flickr

A private donation might make this area a homeless Hotspot.

10. South Jordan,Utah

An old vacant building west of Bangeter Highway could soon be taking in West Valley’s homeless.

11. Farmington, Utah


A chunk of land owned by Utah would be a perfect solution for Davis County’s homeless. Locals fear that it will turn Farmington Station into Gateway, buts it’s probably going to happen anyways.


12. Alpine, Utah

Alpine City


A generous local is offering 10 acres of prime land for a homeless resource center.


13. Draper, Utah

Ken Lund/flickr

Has four locations on the east side that the state is looking at.


14. South Weber, Utah

South Weber/WikiCommons

A site is in the works for Weber County’s homeless


15. Bluffdale, Utah

Michael Kappel/flickr

An area West of the gravel pit might be a potential spot.

16. Holladay, Utah

Ken Lund/flickr

A Baptist Church offered a small site.

17. Sandy, Utah


A vacant Paradise Bakery could soon be a soup kitchen.

18. Stansbury Park, Utah

Stansbury Park/Facebook

Is looking like it with be the solution for Tooele County’s homeless.

19. Park City, Utah

Raffi Asdourian/flickr

The Park Meadows neighborhood soon may house a homeless resource center and low income housing.

20. Elk Ridge, Utah

Ken Lund/flickr

Don’t rule out this town. It’s a potential target for a resource center.

21. North Salt Lake, Utah


A chunk of vacant land near Eaglewood Golf Course could soon house Utah’s homeless. This privately owned land is the most likely candidate to house the shelter.

22. Bountiful, Utah

Maple Hills or Skyline Drive have two properties that are prime spots for a shelter.


What you think about these locations? (Comment Below)

Breaking News: Robbery At Bountiful, Utah Chase Bank

Bountiful, Utah- A Clearfield man entered Chase Bank on 500 South in Bountiful to cash a check for the amount of $50.01. He never expected to be robbed by the bank itself. The clerk made an angry face and said “We’re taking $8.00 to cash that check!” Eight bucks to cash a $50.00 check! We have to agree, that is robbery.

Apparently, this in not an isolated incident. The man has been robbed before by Key Bank, US Bank and even Zions Bank. This seems like a greedy trend by banks.

Fortunately, there’s a solution. It’s called a credit Union. Perhaps, America First or Mountain America Credit Union would be the wiser choice. They don’t pull this crap! Why do business with someone that screws you before you’re a customer?

Satire, sort of



Breaking News: Scientists bring back the UtahRaptor

Vernal, Utah- A group of Utah scientists have successfully cracked the genome of the UtahRaptor.

The UtahRaptor was originally discovered in a quicksand death trap in Utah.

These dinosaurs were 10 times the size of the all other raptors. Weighing in at one ton and standing twice the height of a human. Total length was approximately 25 feet long.

Baby raptors were successful grown in test tubes. Two raptors have already reached maturity, they will be released into a sanctuary in Dinosaurland. Rumor has it, Thanksgiving Point is interested in bidding on the dinosaurs and making an exhibit. Simular to something straight out of the movie Jurassic Park.

This story was leaked by an employee of DinoCorp. This person would like to remain anonymous. They will be sending us more photos, video and data soon.

Stay Tuned! We will keep you updated as this story unfolds.