Gary Herbert makes it illegal to deny that popcorn pops on the apricot trees

Salt Lake City, Utah- New legislation just passed making it illegal to deny that popcorn pops on apricot trees. Next spring when the apricot trees are in full bloom. You would be able to call the beautiful flowers “Blossoms” anymore. Well, at least in Utah. You will have to refered the white blossoms as “Popcorn.” […]

Utah to build a wall to keep out Californians

Salt Lake City, Utah- Gary Herbert just approved a bill that would prevent Californians from moving to Utah. He blames California for Utah’s public health crisis, AKA “Porn.” The wall be constructed at Bangerter Highway blocking all Cali Migrants from making it any further into the valley. There will be check points and anyone from […]

Giant Tiger Muskie Eats Man At Pineview Reservoir

Huntsville, Utah- An unidentified man was attacked and swallowed whole by a giant Tiger Muskie. Witnesses claim that the man was on a shiny paddle board that may have acted like a lure. “The fish just came up out of the water and hit it like a giant fishing lure.” Said, Brexit Tolman, a town […]

Bull Sharks Illegally Introduced To Pineview Reservoir

Pineview Reservoir,  Utah- If you like to swim at Pineview Reservoir, Tiger Muskies biting your toes are the least of your problems. Bull sharks were illegally introduced into the freshwater lake, and they are thriving! Bull sharks are notorious for swimming out of the salty ocean and venturing out and venturing hundreds of miles up […]

Breaking News: Utah Bans Fireworks Statewide Due To Fire Danger

Salt Lake City, Utah- The State of Utah has decided to ban fireworks this year due to extreme fire danger. Several fires have been started acrossed the state. Governor Gary Herbert has pulled the plug on this year’s fireworks celebrations. All private displays are illegal and people will be cited or arrested. There will be […]

Utah lawmakers fear they are running out of things to make illegal

Salt Lake City, Utah- After the last state legislation session,  Utah fears they are running out of things to make illegal.  They continue to chisel away at alcohol, tobacco ,  marijuana, porn, sex, certain  positions, gambling, music, dancing, too much shoulder in yearbook photos and anything remotely fun. Eventually, there will be nothing left. The […]

Life Discovered On The Moon, Mormons Dispatch Missionaries

Washington DC- Donald Trump announced on Friday that NASA has discovered intelligent life on the Moon.   Donald Trump has not been a traditional US president. Many have wondered if UFO disclosure was on the table. Five species of aliens were discovered. The greys were the dominate species on the planet. “A video of a […]

Mormons To Build LDS Temple On Mars

Mars- The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints just announced that they will be building an LDS temple on Mars. On Monday morning, the church plans on launching a super rover named “FAITH.” The super Droid was built at BYU’s robotics department.     “We named this robot ‘Faith’ because Faith will move […]

Utah Sound Guy Commits Suicide To Avoid Working A deadmau5 Concert

Moab, Utah- Stan Whipple, A Utah Sound engineer, drove his car off of a cliff Wednesday morning with his boss locked in the trunk.   The Moab Police were able to pull surveillance video from a bar that Harry owned and the found a conversation and the motive. His boss informed him that deadmau5 was […]