Year: 2017

Breaking News: The Tuna Gate Scandal

Salt Lake City, Utah – Donald Trump just recently visited Utah to sign a bill that would greatly reduce the size of Bears Ears and Escalante National Monuments. Trump’s long time friend Senator Orrin Hatch originally asked Trump if he would come to Utah and undo the bill that former President Obama signed, that expanded […]

Hurricane Moroni is moving across The Great Salt Lake

Breaking News: A major storm system is brewing over The Great Salt Lake. Hurricane Moroni is a category 7 hurricane and it has been anticipated to wipe Magna, West Valley and Ogden, Utah off of the map. We will keep you post as this story develops.

Gary Herbert makes it illegal to deny that popcorn pops on the apricot trees

Salt Lake City, Utah- New legislation just passed making it illegal to deny that popcorn pops on apricot trees. Next spring when the apricot trees are in full bloom. You would be able to call the beautiful flowers “Blossoms” anymore. Well, at least in Utah. You will have to refered the white blossoms as “Popcorn.” […]

Utah to build a wall to keep out Californians

Salt Lake City, Utah- Gary Herbert just approved a bill that would prevent Californians from moving to Utah. He blames California for Utah’s public health crisis, AKA “Porn.” The wall be constructed at Bangerter Highway blocking all Cali Migrants from making it any further into the valley. There will be check points and anyone from […]

Giant Tiger Muskie Eats Man At Pineview Reservoir

Huntsville, Utah- An unidentified man was attacked and swallowed whole by a giant Tiger Muskie. Witnesses claim that the man was on a shiny paddle board that may have acted like a lure. “The fish just came up out of the water and hit it like a giant fishing lure.” Said, Brexit Tolman, a town […]

Bull Sharks Illegally Introduced To Pineview Reservoir

Pineview Reservoir,  Utah- If you like to swim at Pineview Reservoir, Tiger Muskies biting your toes are the least of your problems. Bull sharks were illegally introduced into the freshwater lake, and they are thriving! Bull sharks are notorious for swimming out of the salty ocean and venturing out and venturing hundreds of miles up […]

Breaking News: Utah Bans Fireworks Statewide Due To Fire Danger

Salt Lake City, Utah- The State of Utah has decided to ban fireworks this year due to extreme fire danger. Several fires have been started acrossed the state. Governor Gary Herbert has pulled the plug on this year’s fireworks celebrations. All private displays are illegal and people will be cited or arrested. There will be […]

Utah lawmakers fear they are running out of things to make illegal

Salt Lake City, Utah- After the last state legislation session,  Utah fears they are running out of things to make illegal.  They continue to chisel away at alcohol, tobacco ,  marijuana, porn, sex, certain  positions, gambling, music, dancing, too much shoulder in yearbook photos and anything remotely fun. Eventually, there will be nothing left. The […]